So, this summer I was hoping to have lots of plans, lots of fun. So far, that seems to be getting accomplished. But, when I'm alone, without friends, without anyone things get a little strange. It's like I've been in a comatose and I'm just now waking up. It feels as if there's something to do at every moment, something crucial for completion but when I go to actually relieve my stress to complete the activity there's nothing to do.
Like, every second I'm rushing people because I feel as if there's something I need to do. My stress and anxiety levels have shot through the roof and I just can't understand why. It's as if someone has taken the hardest, most packed schedule in the universe and put it in just one of my days. I feel as if all the nonexistent plans will never be accomplished or completed. Like, I'm forgetting something that's not there. That never will be there.
This only happens when I'm alone though. When I am with people I feel absolutely fine. I feel a little paranoid sometimes, but other than that I'm fine. I just don't understand where this feeling comes from.
I also get this feeling of paranoia when people go through my stuff. I'm very confused about this too. There's nothing I have to hide I just get this nervous, guilty feeling like there's something on there that shouldn't be even when I know there's nothing. Exactly like the first feeling but in a different context. It's just very bewildering, and I don't know what's causing it.
Well, I'm sorry this rant was longish and all about me, but I'm ending it here so no worries. If you have ever felt this way, you know the extreme hell of which I speak and I have empathy for you.
-Alora
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